The Ashes 2017: A First Test Post-Mortem in Six Mind-Numbing Blunders

Since the first test of the Ashes has been well and truly put to bed, and the second test from Adelaide commences later this evening (an awkward 9:30 pm start time for me), it’s probably time to organize my thoughts and discuss Australia’s victory at the Gabba a week or so ago. As you know, if you’ve read the blog before, I’ve been looking forward to this particular series for some time now.  I knew Australia would be heavy favorites, and I knew England had some serious flaws—particularly down under, where the conditions don’t exactly suit them—but there existed a strange calm from the British guys, and, I thought, a real cohesive concentration on the daunting task that lied ahead.  Think about that early Mark Stoneman 50 at the Gabba: a light, almost embarrassed wave of the bat, and then it was back to business for the young opener.  He knew a half-ton wouldn’t get the team across the finish line.  He was shooting for much more knowing full well that something extraordinary would be necessary to win the series.  It looked to me like England quietly had their eyes on the prize.  Not that I expected them to win because of it, but I thought they might make it a better series for the Aussies than they have in the recent past and might, just might, pull out the series draw they needed to retain the urn. 

Before I continue, I want to explain my point of view, here.  I know it seems like I’m an England fan in that I typically write from their point of view, but this ostensible allegiance isn’t exactly a real one.  The truth is that, while my favorite club is London based, I generally write from the England perspective since most of the media I consume as an English speaking American cricket fan comes from the exact same point of view, and, therefore, gives me a bit of a platform from which to write.  I know the most about England, this is true, but more often than not, I find myself cheering against them for large portions of a match, or, as was the case when they played Bangladesh last year, actively backing their opponent.  So when I give my opinions here, and I seem disappointed, it’s only because I’m hoping so much for a long, interesting series instead of the 5-0 whitewash so many have predicted.

All this being said: if the wheels do come off for the visiting side, if England loses the series early, leaving the last couple matches as pure exhibition, I will never totally forgive some of the English players—Joe Root, especially—and England coach Trevor Bayliss for the flaky naiveté they displayed during and after the first, surprising winnable test.  The fact of the matter is that England need to be close to perfect in order to compete in the series—they’ve known this for some time, and so have we—but they continue to exhibit immature, fatuous decision making and shot selection when the big matches matter most, meaning unless they blow the opposition out of the water with outstanding top order batting, unless Root and/or Cook go for big scores, they’re unlikely to grind out tough victories like they really could have done in Brisbane, a victory that would have really kicked off the series for the viewing public, whether or not Ben Stokes eventually plays a part in the festivities.

I’m not going to bore you with a full match report on this post.  If you already saw the match, you already know what happened; and if you didn’t, you’ve more than likely read about it on Cricinfo or something.  What I will do is itemize the match into English moments of madness in order of appearance.  It is my contention that, should England have kept their heads in one or two of these situations, they get at least a draw out of the match.  Keep in mind: these are not necessarily the key points in the match in which one side outplayed the other or a star player put in a star performance—no Steve Smith innings, here, in other words.  My list will only include moments of gross English miscalculation adducing, once again, their inability to account for time, score, and situation.

1. Day 1: James Vince is run out on 83 leaving England 145/2

Nothing from Cook; next to nothing from Root; an innings-saving partnership from Stoneman and Vince—two players under fire for their lack of experience before the series even started.  Make no mistake: Lyon’s fielding was excellent.  The dive to his right; the one hand stab and throw—you can’t always legislate for outstanding plays of that sort.  But when you know you should stay in there for the long haul, why run in the first place?  If the fielder gets to it, you’re in for a tight run to the other side—that’s if you aren’t run out—and in if it gets through cover, you’re only going to get the one run anyway.  There was no reason to sprint out of the crease like that unless you’re trying to squeeze out two runs—an uncalled for attempt at that point in the match.  Vince was going so well.  If he stayed in there, who knows how many runs he puts on the board and eases the pressure on the later batsman.

2. Day 2: Jonny Bairstow attempts a pull on 9.  England is 270/7

Not sure what he was doing in this instance, and not much has been made of this shot, at least not that I’ve heard, but let’s consider the situation.  You’re in the middle of a collapse, the vaunted Aussie bowlers are starting to get to your batsman, you’re the last batsman in a lineup that essentially features three numbers elevens, and you’re out on 9 attempting a pull on a ball around your shoulders.  What?  I know that Root likes to let his guys play free, or whatever the tagline is—that he’s this young captain that will usher in a free-flowing new ear of self-expression and quick scores, I know this.  But what exactly are we trying to do here?  Bairstow leaves it to Ball, Anderson, and Broad to eke out thirty or so more runs.  This is an inexcusable lapse for a team that supposedly has its head on straight and is ready to compete in a more than difficult setting.

3. Day 3: Joe Root elects to bowl Jake Ball and Moeen Ali to Pat Cummins and Steve Smith

The Aussies are in the middle of their own collapse.  A couple of cheap wickets have left them 214/7, a score which should give you a miraculous forty run lead despite being 50 runs or so under par after your own, well, subpar innings.  Bowl out Cummins—no slouch, I understand—bowl out Cummins, though, and you’re very, very close to the improbable advantage.  Instead, Root allows Cummins a quiet baptism into his innings with some eighty mph Jake Ball bouncers and a few half-volleys from an effete and possibly injured Mo.  Annoyingly, Root has admitted to and apologized for this tactical error, suggesting that, in his early days as captain, Root is prone to some preposterous blunders and, more worryingly, lacks the killer instinct of his counterpart.

4. Day 3: Alastair Cook, himself on 7, hooks to fine-leg.  England is 11/1 in the third over.

This shouldn’t be a disaster, and, in fact, it’s not much different than what happened in the first innings where England was able to put up something of a score without anything from their all-time great.  What Cook needed to do here, with England down something like twenty runs, was not get out.  Plain and simple.  They were slightly behind in the first match of the most important test series on the calendar; he, as one of the elder statesman about whom the British were not worried, should put in one of those crazy 200+ ball fifties that sets his team at ease.  It should be “we’re still in it; we’ve got Cook,” instead, well, you know…

5. Day 4: Root’s conversion problem continues as he plays Twenty20 when it matters most.

I’ll admit to not being aware of this at the time, but Joe Root has a bit of a problem converting 50s into tons as compared to the rest of the “Big 4” young-gun captains—Kohli, Williamson, and, of course, Smith, who converted in this very match when it mattered the most.  Root did contribute in this innings, and it certainly helped his team; you can’t level all the blame on him for his team’s deficit.  Still, though, he sets the tone for the team, and as the most talented batsman, as the team’s captain, it’s natural for them and us to expect more of him in the big situations.  In many ways, this first test could be distilled into Smith performed on the field; Root didn’t, even if that somewhat oversimplifies matters.  A big score from Root changes the complexion of the match altogether, and, in spite of the previously mentioned madness, the Brits still had an opportunity to take something from this match, but Root failed to play conservatively when his team needed to conserve wickets.  There’s no point, Joe, in going for a run-a-ball ton when a 250 ball ton would be better in this particular game situation.  He needs to add this doggedness to his batting because he can’t go everywhere and play like Lara at each and every point in a match.

6. Day 4: Bairstow loses his mind in the last over before tea leaving England 194/7.

What are we doing here, Jonny?  Your lineup needs to survive one more over before an extended pressure relieving break, and you jump up and try to defend a bouncer up by your shoulders.  What do you think the bowler will try to do here?  Why even bring the bat up there to begin with? 

My biggest problem with these instances is what they have in common: a complete lack of composure or forethought in the biggest moments in the series that is supposed to matter most.  Not every team has a final for which to prepare in test cricket; not every team has a championship to which to build up.  England and Australia do.  Get your team ready for the Ashes—it’s the climax of your cricketing existence since the last Ashes; it’s the very trophy you should be shooting for when you assess your squad throughout the interval during matches against other countries.  I find it naïve and, to be honest, appalling that England don’t seem to know what’s coming next, that they have that “well, now we know for the future” response after each and every ridiculous travesty.  There is no future, Joe.  You should communicate that to your friends.  This is the world championship and your team gets to the final every time simply because they’re English.  Prepare for it and execute your plans because the rest of the world is tuning in, and they don’t care about your team building efforts.  This is it, this is now, be ready for the game when you take the field.

Until after the second test.