Who'd be a coach?
On Monday evening, West Indies batting coach Toby Radford laid out his masterplan to the media on how his troops could somehow bat their way to victory in Hamilton.
We listened intently - but his best batsmen appeared to have turned a deaf ear.
"This is going to be a stiff ask, but I think we'll want to see lots of things," the affable Radford said.
"It's about individual performances - for us it's the last test match of the year, it's been a long busy year, some of these players have been on the road for a long period of time, and it's their last opportunity in test match cricket for a good number of months now - we don't play until four or five months into next year.
"So I'm sure they'll really want to finish the year with a personal milestone or go out on a bang, as well as a team effort."
"I think what we are wanting is a lot of fight and to really show what we can do," Radford said.
Instead, they could only bat 63.5 overs as they were dismissed before tea on day four.
"I'd love to see Kraigg [Brathwaite] and Shai [Hope] do something similar to what they achieved at Headingley against England a couple of months ago. Bat long, get a couple of hundreds and show people what we can really do," Radford had said.
In reality? Brathwaite, the rock of their previous three innings in NZ, cut Trent Boult hard but aerially enough for opposing skipper Kane Williamson to catch at gully after adding just seven to his overnight score while their Great Young Hope was all at sea against the short-pitched bowling of Neil Wagner before falling for 23.
Radford had been asked if his batsmen needed to temper their natural aggression in the test arena, particularly given the match situation where they had two days available.
"Not at all. I think we've got a mix. You've seen Kraigg bat, he can bat all day, bat six or seven hours. Shai Hope also plays that way."
Er, yeah ...
"I think it'll be play hour by hour and session by session, and break it down into manageable bits," Radford said the night before Brathwaite and Hope fell within the first hour.
"But also still be positive, you don't just want to be batting to survive, you've still got to put bad balls away and still look positive at the crease and move positively. So go out there with an intent to score runs still, and you can be positive in defence, I think we've got to do that."
Roston Chase at least proved he had a good pair of ears, and something in between them.
"The middle order. Roston Chase has had a very good year, scored hundreds against Pakistan. It's about doing it here isn't it? It's a different test wherever you go around the world," Radford had said.
"Obviously in Wellington they were very aggressive and short on a quick wicket. Here it's a bit more swing, [Tim] Southee and [Trent] Boult bowled very well. It's been a different test I think and it's coping with that and coming up with methods to play that."
Chase did his best to negate both as he got to 64 off 98 balls through mostly resolute defence and judicious shot-making before blotting his copybook by hooking the merciless Wagner to Colin de Grandhomme at fine leg.
He got excellent support from debutant Raymon Riefer batting at No 8, with the left-hander showing why he has a first-class batting average of 25 and a desire to be a genuine international allrounder.
Radford said the technique to cope with swing was to "play late, know where you're off-stump is, be positive, don't get stuck on the crease."
But he acknowledged talk could be cheap.
"Simple things, but you can talk it, you've actually got to go out and deliver it, under pressure."
His charges simply couldn't.
- Stuff
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