Satire: Banned Danish Kaneria appeals to President Pratibha Patil

By Ashwin S Kumar



Tainted Pakistan Test cricketer Danish Kaneria, who was slapped a life ban by the English Cricket Board (ECB) for involvement in match-fixing, met President Pratibha Patil at the Rashtrapati Bhavan on Monday to seek a pardon for his crimes. During the meeting, which lasted for close to half an hour, over excellent kebabs deftly prepared by the first lady herself, Kaneria appealed to the President to take over the reins of the International Cricket Council (ICC) post her presidential term and commute his life-ban.

The move comes in the wake of President Patil going on a mercy overdrive in her last days at office, commuting close to 35 sentences. Kaneria was extremely moved that one of the beneficiaries of President Patil’s mercy had actually passed away five years ago.

The leg-spinner, who is yet to come to terms with the shock of being banned for life, addressed the Indian media, saying, “What has happened to me is very unfair. Yaar, I’m feeling so bad when people call me Banish Kaneria! It is all a conspiracy to get rid of me. I thank Mamata didi for sympathising with me in this regard!”

When asked about the details of his rendezvous with the first lady, Kaneria said, “Who said Indians don’t have large hearts? Look at the President! Shahid bhai, aap sun rahe ho na? “When I read that Her Excellency is granting mercy to everyone alive as well as dead, I knew that this was God’s way of answering my prayers. I earnestly pleaded with Pratibha tai to become the ICC president, so that she can suspend my life ban with immediate effect.”

When asked about the President’s reaction, Kaneria said, “I told her that she can become the ICC’s first woman president, by advocating the causes of equality of women, betterment of women’s cricket etc. You know, the same hogwash and mumbo-jumbo that propelled her to the office of the President of India. Also, being the ICC president gives her the option of traveling to all cricketing venues around the world, right from Barbados to Christchurch. Why will she refuse, yaar?”

Kaneria was however left disappointed, as sources from the Rashtrapati Bhavan announced that the president has been “deeply pained” by media reports of her clemency drive and that she is not likely to grant mercy to anyone in future.

The zeal in which they go after pakistanis and other dark skinned people is breath taking. White cricketers usually gets a slap on the wrist.
To suggest  that white cricketers are not involved in nefarious activities is just silly and absurd
Whites are the biggest criminals on earth in all facets of criminality and to think that they are not involved in cricket match fixing is naive
Hans  Cronje was punished only when the evidence became overwhelming and I recall when the head of the SABC publicly stated that the Indian police were like the keystone cops.
Shane Warne ... slap on the wrist . Marlon Samuels , 2 years suspension for a far less  agregious conduct

That white boy cricketer that got ran over by the train is suddenly a  martyr and they are conviently forgeting that he was a drunk running away from the babylon 

The mainstream media, however, seemed to have different agendas to focus on, with CNN-IBN deputy editor Sagarika Ghose tweeting, “Danish Kaneria banned for life! No outrage here? Where are you all, Internet Hindu militant trolls!? (sic).”

[quote author=The Chairman link=topic=67797.msg425252#msg425252 date=1340729428]

The mainstream media, however, seemed to have different agendas to focus on, with CNN-IBN deputy editor Sagarika Ghose tweeting, “Danish Kaneria banned for life! No outrage here? Where are you all, Internet Hindu militant trolls!? (sic).”
[/quote]  I is right here and and Kaneria is unfortunate to be both Pakistani and hindu