This is a true story . we were playing a neighbouring cricket team and as usual the rivalry was intense . In those days each team carry one umpire and ours was an older man by the name of lembay Jack , I was bowling and the ball hit the opposing batsman about three feet outside the leg stump and I reflexively appealed .
Now Lembay Jack probabyl had six sheep shit in his hands and one fell down at the moment that I appealed and as he bend down to pick it up without seeing anything with him facing the ground , his right hand shot up for the LBW. . Of course Our captain called back the batsman to resume batting;
I turned to lembay and querried as to why he gave him out and he replied" if de man nah out wha you appeal faa"
Old Lembay passed away last year at 91 years of age
The man of the house!Harry had a rowdy wife. The woman could pelt mo' blows than a boxer wid ten hands, especially when she had a broom in she hand! One day she corner Harry unda the bed and blows flying all 'cross he head! Whaddax! Whaddax! She peltin' blows and she bawlin': Wife: You call yourself a man? Come out here and tek your blows like a man!
Harry bobbin' and weavin' and tryin' to dodge, but he couldn't get away from the blows! So he start bawl for he neighbor Thomas. Harry: Thomas! Thomas! Help me! Ah gettin' mi ass buss! Ow, man! Come help you drinkin' pardner, nuh!
Well, Thomas hear he pardner and he come runnin' over to Harry house to see what going on. When he see how the woman got Harry, he tell he: Thomas: Man, Harry. What happen to you, man. You ent the man o' the house? Harry: Yeah ... Thomas: Well, talk for yourself nuh. Harry: Dammit, Thomas! You damn right! I is the man o' the house and whatever I say, goes ...! And I say I ent coming out from unda dis damn bed!
Mad Cricket(Well this one is from Trinidad, but it is still funny!)
A feller was visiting St. Ann's one day, eh, and as he entered the gate, he see some fellers playing cricket on the grounds. One feller was bowling, man, if y' see fast ball and thing, then he throw in a few googlies to catch the batman off guard; the batman in the crease making one set a pretty strokes, eh, Brian Lara don't want nothing with him; a next one ruuning and making all kind of big dive and big jump in the air to catch the ball, he not letting a ball get by him; a next one umpiring and signalling for fours and sixes, all kind of thing.
The feller stand up and watching all this action, straining his eyes hard to see the bat and the ball, but wondering when he ain't seeing none. When he couldn't take the jamming no more, he look around the place to see who he could talk to about this thing. Finally, his eyes make four with a feller sitting down on a bench, smoking a cigarette, and watching the cricketers kind of nervously.
The feller walk over to the man to strike up a conversation about the cricket match. He titivay for a while, then he tell the man, "ey, boy, I never see nothing so yet. What y' think 'bout that match, boy. Y' ain't see what them fellers and them over there doing, boy? Boy, is a complete, complete cricket match them fellers and them playing, hitting ball for four and six and thing. Man making big jump for the ball and thing. Man knocking down man stump and man arguing how is the wind what knock down their bail. Boy, I never see nothing so yet; I only looking, but I ain't seeing no bat and no ball. Them fellers playing cricket without a bat and ball."
The man who sit down take a few more nervous puffs on the cigarette, one eye on the feller and one on the cricketers. He ain't answer the feller, eh. He only looking at the cricketers, nervous, nervous.
"Boy, what y' think about what them fellers doing? Y' ever see a man play cricket without bat and ball?" the feller ask again.
The smoker say, "hmh. Hmh. Hmh. Boy, y' think is one watch I watching them. Y' think is one watch I watching them. I come out here to relax, smoke a cigarette and thing, y' know. Me ain't give an arse what none of them fellers do . . . as long as none of them ain't hit me with the ball."
This is a classic sledge between Ian Botham and Rodney Marsh during the 1981 Ashes series. As Botham came out to bat the following exchange took place:
Marsh: "Hey Ian, how's your wife and my kids?"
Botham: "Oh the wife is just fine, but the kids are retarded" ::lol::
