Polar Porn Vortex

Polar Vortex great for business (online porn business, that is)

The colder it got in America over the last few days, the more our nation turned to generating personal warmth.

by Chris Matyszczyk  January 10, 2014 1:47 PM PST


As I sat on my sunny Californian deck, reading about people buried 3 feet deep in snow, I thought to myself: "Ohio. Now where's that on the map?"
My second thought was: "I wonder what they're doing out there, besides huddling and tossing boiling water in the air to make snow."
It was more or less at that moment on Friday that my regular source of pornographic pulse-taking, The Washington Post, revealed an answer. It seems that the chilly temperatures incited a spurt of enthusiasm for online pornography.

[size=15px]The Post leaned rather alluringly on information provided Thursday by PornHub, a site that makes sore eyes water.[/size]
[size=15px][/size][size=inherit][color=rgb(41, 100, 191)]In a highly enthusiastic post[/color][/size][size=15px], PornHub insisted that its traffic during usual business hours on January 7 and 8 -- days when many Americans were stuck at home due to record low temperatures -- had risen by 5.2 percent across America.[/size]
[size=15px]However, the most riveting aspects were in the details. The state of Maine, for example, was clearly in a heightened state of alert, as its PornHub traffic elevated by 43.8 percent. Breathing seductively down its neck was Michigan, with a 42.1 percent increase.[/size]
[size=15px]Now guess which chilly state came third, enjoying a 37.2 percent jolt. Yes, it had to be. Florida, of course. The state experienced a few unusually frigid temperatures. Normally, of course, the snow only cascades in certain South Beach nightclubs.[/size]
[size=15px]Oddly, New York and New Jersey merely kept pace with the national average increase. Which might, to some, reflect a certain lack of imagination not seen among those states' politicians.[/size]
[size=15px]In times of stress and distress, one can never tell where Americans will turn to decompress. But "whatever gets you through" is one of our many national mottos.[/size]